Hammond's Organs...
...are apparently in a serious but stable condition in Leeds General Infirmary along with the rest of the diminutive 'Top Gear' presenter's important bits, which are all, thankfully, still stuck on in approximately the right places, despite his recent horrendous crash. Apparently, Hammond appears to have suffered 'significant brain injury', however, so, despite my crass (but, you have to admit, quite genius) joky title, I wish all the best to 'the hamster'. Get well soon, sir.
It's always oh-so-easy (and common) to start hyper-analysing things at times like this, but let's just ponder a moment on what it is that has has led to 'Auntie' Beeb spending thousands of pounds of yours and my Licence Fee on getting a small bloke to fasten himself into a bright yellow jet-plane-on-wheels and hurtling him down a track at 300mph+...
Back Then: Alan Wicker tells us in his silky smooth Australian-accented voice about the charms of sailing down the Nile to spend 3 nights in Cairo. On his travels he even touches a local peasant person (although he washes his hands right away afterwards).
Now: Ray Meers spends 13 nights with no clothes on living in the depths of Siberia with only a Swiss Army knife and a piece of string to help him out. Cameras are up close and personal as he is forced to amputate his own penis which has turned black from frostbite.
Then: Kate Adie wins all kinds of awards for her reports from the warzones of Iran and Beirut. Her unparallelled bravery makes her world renowned as a journalist of the highest bravery (especially for a girlie).
Now: 24 hour satellite coverage of The War on Terror(TM). Press the Red Button and see countless, faceless journos telling you stuff you've already heard half an hour ago on the other channel. Nothing has actually happened for hours, but each and every channel will tell you that they were the first to report it. Sky are trying out their new "TimeWarpCam" which actually allows them to report on stuff before it's even happaned.
Then: Top Gear airs on the Beeb. It's an informative magazine programme mixing reviews of the latest performance sports cars with info and consumer advice on more down-to-earth models.
Now: The new Top Gear airs on the Beeb. Reviews consist purely of the top 0.1% of mega-performance supercars that only people in the top 0.1% of earnings (like, say, the presenters) could ever afford. The show basically involves 3 badly dressed blokes doing stuff like smashing cars up "for a laugh", setting fire to stuff, driving into trees with pickup trucks and all at very, very high speeds and wink-wink-nudge-nudging to camera every time they say "of course we don't condone breaking the speed limit". And, oh yes, getting a small bloke to fasten himself into a bright yellow jet-plane-on-wheels and hurtling him down a track at 300mph+...*
*FYI, I actually like Top Gear, by the way ;)
It's always oh-so-easy (and common) to start hyper-analysing things at times like this, but let's just ponder a moment on what it is that has has led to 'Auntie' Beeb spending thousands of pounds of yours and my Licence Fee on getting a small bloke to fasten himself into a bright yellow jet-plane-on-wheels and hurtling him down a track at 300mph+...
Back Then: Alan Wicker tells us in his silky smooth Australian-accented voice about the charms of sailing down the Nile to spend 3 nights in Cairo. On his travels he even touches a local peasant person (although he washes his hands right away afterwards).
Now: Ray Meers spends 13 nights with no clothes on living in the depths of Siberia with only a Swiss Army knife and a piece of string to help him out. Cameras are up close and personal as he is forced to amputate his own penis which has turned black from frostbite.
Then: Kate Adie wins all kinds of awards for her reports from the warzones of Iran and Beirut. Her unparallelled bravery makes her world renowned as a journalist of the highest bravery (especially for a girlie).
Now: 24 hour satellite coverage of The War on Terror(TM). Press the Red Button and see countless, faceless journos telling you stuff you've already heard half an hour ago on the other channel. Nothing has actually happened for hours, but each and every channel will tell you that they were the first to report it. Sky are trying out their new "TimeWarpCam" which actually allows them to report on stuff before it's even happaned.
Then: Top Gear airs on the Beeb. It's an informative magazine programme mixing reviews of the latest performance sports cars with info and consumer advice on more down-to-earth models.
Now: The new Top Gear airs on the Beeb. Reviews consist purely of the top 0.1% of mega-performance supercars that only people in the top 0.1% of earnings (like, say, the presenters) could ever afford. The show basically involves 3 badly dressed blokes doing stuff like smashing cars up "for a laugh", setting fire to stuff, driving into trees with pickup trucks and all at very, very high speeds and wink-wink-nudge-nudging to camera every time they say "of course we don't condone breaking the speed limit". And, oh yes, getting a small bloke to fasten himself into a bright yellow jet-plane-on-wheels and hurtling him down a track at 300mph+...*
*FYI, I actually like Top Gear, by the way ;)
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